What do you gift a woman who has constantly been stealing your clothes, ever since she went off for her engineering in BITS Pilani.And even now tries her hand at it, instead of being the role model for her daughter, who ,I last heard , is turning into a big bully beating up kids in the creche .

What do you think of a woman (nay she was a girl of 12 then I think) who convinces a 8 year old you to try out the new swing which she so “thoughtfully” made for you. 30 seconds later the contraption made of wet ropes gave way and you are lying face down next to a drain ,under the guava tree.

How do you plan revenge on a woman who convinces you to take part in a fashion show in school (you are 12 by now), AND along with her best friend dresses you up in baggy pants,sun-glasses (fliched from uncle and 5 sizes too big) and a sun hat AND your dad’s pipe. The worst of the 80’s fashion scene all hanging down from a 12 year old frame. Horror of horrors, the snooty school you went to actually had girls dressing up in the gowns.The kind you saw only in Enid Blyton books.She actually thought you stood a chance in that fashion competition.Undaunted ,very next year she dresses you up as a cowherd for the local bihu toli ( during bihu,every locality had their own ground for competitions ranging from fancy dress to recitals to races etc etc)

And whom do you complain to when this same woman slaps you so hard your specs break in half.All because you refuse to “understand ” a math problem and airily dismiss it off,confident that you are going to sit next to the topper next day in the class test.Yes you had it all worked out.

Well what ever would you say about this woman who also :

- drew almost all your school projects, on the morning of the day it is to be submitted.

- made you realise that being a topper is not everything ,inspite of being one herself( yeah i took this to heart and never topped anything in life).

-taught you how to ride a scooty

-took you to the first pub ,first pool, tennis lessons,swimming lessons

-is still trying to teach you swimming (which along with driving I AM SURE I WILL NEVER MASTER)

-taught you the basics of ‘fliriting’ and handling men (of which I AM SURE I MASTERED HER TRICKS)

-beats you at squash,6-0 ,fivemonths after she had her baby and you thought you were at your fittest.

- blasts you for being a spend thrift and then goes ahead and gifts you with a scooty (purple colour just to continue with the fashion disaster), and gifts you a trip to the US.

- presents you the goofiest, nerdiest and most irritating and lovable brother-in-law ever.

What do I say.We are as different as cheese from chalk.Just sharing the same set of parents – Considering how different we look I can just hope here :-)

She hates wasting time, I have mastered the art of doing nothing. Life for her is black and white- she either likes you or she doesnt,I exist in shades of gray.She loves confusing me with math problems and I love playing with her mind with endless trivia.

But yes do have things in common we both love exploring new places and new dishes.And..umm..hmm..yeah we both love the same person- me!

Happy Birthday BA.