My tipping point

Mr.P- I don’t tip.

X- You don’t tip?

Mr.P- I don’t believe in it.

X-You don’t believe in tipping? Do you know what these chicks make?They make shit.

Mr.P- If she don’t make enough money,she can quit.

X-Let me get this straight.You don’t ever tip, huh?

Mr.P-I don’t tip because society says I have to. If they really put forth the effort,I’ll give ’em somethin’ extra.As far as I’m concerned, they’re just doin’ their job.

Mr.X- These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.

Mr.P- So’s working at McDonald’s,but you don’t feel the need to tip them.They’re servin’ you food,but society says…”Don’t tip these guys over here,but tip these guys.” That’s bullshit.

Y – Cough up a buck, you cheap bastard.I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

Mr.Pink- Since you bought breakfast, I’ll put in.But normally I would never do this.

Y -Never mind what you normally would do.Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you.

You have my full support Mr. Pink .

TIPPING IS WHEN YOU PAY SOMEONE EXTRA FOR THAT EXTRA SOMETHING THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU,something which is not a basic job requirement. A bus driver driving me to my office is doing his job.My maid cleaning my clothes is doing her job.A waiter getting my food to my table , is ,simply put, doing his job.

Tipping, my dear friends, is NOT a birth right.In my world, when you do what you have to do, you get paid your regular salary.How does it go in your planet?

When you sign your employment contract with any employee, I believe,you know the amount that’s going to come at the end of the month,so no shocks there, right?.And when you go beyond what is required of you, you get a bonus,usually at the end of the year. Thus is the norm for all the professions in the world- doctors, lawyers, traders, engineers, the help staff at the mall. Even my maid gets a diwali bonus, not 10% tip on the days my white shirt sparkles extra bright.

So, what, Dear Lord, is this whole big brouhaha about tipping the waiter?

Is it because, something as important and emotional as food  is involved? Then I think heart surgeons would have to stuff tips in their closet.I will any day try to suck up more to the guy who cuts my heart, than the one who places a leg of well marinated lamb leg in front of me.

Is it because the waiter gets paid so less? Is it?Do you want me to list out other professions that are paid far far less, but still not deemed ‘tip-worthy’  by us? How much do you think the auto-rickshaw driver gets? What about the man pulling you in a manual rickshaw? Do we tip them everytime we get on one? Chances are that we haggle over the faulty meter. And you know what? That snooty little waiter in the posh restaurant is most probably a student of some hospitality course and is doing this more as an internship and pocket money. For the auto rickshaw driver, this is his entire salary on which he will sustain.Actually,by this logic, the waiter at Taj should definitely get less tip than the waiter at a Kake’ Da Dhaba. Atleast Raju at the dhaba doesn’t talk in that supercilious tone, which only those  smarty pants-i-know-my-chardonnay-from-my-rose’ guys at a five star can manage.

For that matter, do you tip that guy in McDonald or other fast food joint? Why not? If you are thinking that the burger takes less time and effort than a full course meal, well let me remind you , it is the cook who is conjuring the amazing dishes.The waiter simply gets it to your table.After spitting on it,of course.

And who sets these ‘decent tipping percentages’? if your bill is INR 7000,you pay INR700, and so on and so forth.If it a posh restaurant make it 15%, else 10% will do,Why? Is an expensive sushi  heavier to carry than a cheap dal makhani?

And so you can imagine, how I was seething, when friends and partner ,were deliberating the other night,how little to tip the waiter, since he was obnoxious and an absolute nincompoop.Not whether to tip him or not, but how little to tip him. When we  screwed up big time in some trade,we got a tongue lashing from the boss.Of course, we got our salary at the end of the month, but with every big screw up , we knew our bonus amounts were going down by that much.

So, by giving a tip to that rude waiter, and to all the rude waiters all over the globe, we are, in essence,signaling that it is very absolutely alright to have  bad attitude at your workplace , especially when you are in the service industry- you will still be rewarded for it?

Tip, if you feel the person deserves it.Tip the bell boy ,if you feel your luggage was a bit too heavy.Tip if he gets you warm water to drink at 12 in the night.Tip if the waiter was nice,polite and gave you good suggestions for the dinner. Tip handsomely, if he takes away the his suggested dish because it didn’t suit your palate.Tip if he takes back something that is downright unpalatable.Tip the hairdresser if she suggested a nice haircut to you, and if you are like me,tip more if she kept the small talk to the minimum. I tip if  a small kid came with my home delivery.Or if its a grown up delivering my pizza in a heavy downpour, with a smile.

TIP, because he or she did something he needn’t really have done.Or he did it with such amazing attitude and cheerful presence that you were impressed. For the record this doesn’t include those clowns at TGIF who jump on your table,ifyou make the mistake of telling them its you Bday, and thereby embarrassing the crap out of you.They should be shot to death.

I absolutely refuse to tip, simply because I HAVE TO.No I don’t have to.It’s between me and the person who gave me his/her services.

But who am I kidding.Restaurant patrons in the United States fork over approximately $16 billion a year in tips!!!And on the other side of the spectrum, tipping in Singapore’s airport, restaurants, and hotels is strictly prohibited.Take your pick.

Funnily , the story goes that TIP itself is an acronym for “To Insure Prompt Service”, which was written on boxes,kept next to the counter, in 18th century tea houses, where patrons can leave coins,if they felt like.

And as Mr.P says, “She don’t make enough money, she can quit”.